currentLy i...

29th Mac 2006

ive been so far..
i've been a distant...
ive been too quite...its makin u riot...
so here's alittle update..i hope its not that too late
(*winks!...)

*i'm off choc bars ..(wish me luck!). noMore patchi's, MnM's, Cadbury, Roches, KitKat..nope...not even white chocs, bitterSweet, dark, fullMilk, powdered milk...nope not this time...for 30days im off...for 30days iLL b sober...sometimes it feels abit weird...like an inComplete conversation...or a day witOut shower....but iLL get use to it...

*im playing strings now n i call it Morrison...its SilkyBlack, fineLy tuned and it fits myTheme... i consider it a long term planning (first ..k)..just in case i get bored of staring the pc...i can make money by standing at pasarSeni (hahahaha)..

*i'm cooking...thnx to my housemate(u rawk syarks!)...ive actually realised cooking is not brain surgery... in fact cooking is all about immitating wht u see on tv, comparing it wit the actual pic in the Recipe book...and re-tasting n re-tasting till u get the flava....which will eventually leaves me bloated or full...hehe

*i'm a workaholic....yep..work is my B****.all this covering here n covering there..makin me ill... i have no life when its a workin day. i eat sleep shit puke moan stutter *w-o-r-k....till June iLL be workDrunk..iLL spin my head...fight those stairs...iLL puff my sanctuary...eThing....cause work is myLife(till june....)

*i'm still loneLy...it doenst go away...even after all these years...its still there...the fear of bein alone...hell even the fear of intimacy freaks me out..ive searched high and low...found things but its not wht im looking for...so i leave but i keep the lesson...too many wrong doors... now im not so sure where's my way out... regret does come by and remind me...but itLL go away...i promise...found myLove but its not 'cookies-n-cream'...not straight forward...not something for tommorrow...never want to end it....never will....but then again...never say never...nothing else matters...
noOne else will hear... but myLove for him... that's something im crystal clear(sigh...*b)

*ive till got issues...anger issues...weight issues....choc issues...issues n issues...all that makes a drama out of me...i need to relax..i need to lose weight....i need to stay away form chocs to loose weight....i need to calm down...i need to release it right...dunt do that tone wit her...dunt stare at the isle....i need to to starve....a little starving can help...stop thinkin about food...what about thinkin of hunger...just think of bein thin..bein BodyloveLy...bein beautiful....hope for that day im proud to be naked in the mirror...no more plus sizes...tight skirts..high heels...fit blouses n perfect jeans...like i said..issues over issues....

**i'm still me, dear.
at the end of the day...after all the trauma...after all the regret, fury and disspointment....after uve said goodbye...even after i puff away....i'm still me...
standing still
still that gurl wit a big heart...still that gurl who can laugh till she pee...still that gurl who loves to day dream...yep still me...

this is currentLy me.
this is currentLy thee...
havent gone far u see....

f.e.e.L

9th march 2006


irritated. bored. upset. dissapointed. wanting to runAway. wanting so bad to be noticed. then i'd rather be invisible than to let him see.

insane. bitchy. whimsy. plain crazy. wanting to fadeAway. wanting so bad to go unnoticed. then i'd rather be heard than to loose him so soon.

tired. wasted. demented. bloated. wanting to puffAway. wanting so bad to just stay aware. then i'd rather be thin than to keep it all rare.

do you f.e.e.L it?


cheers!

JK, this one's for u . cheers!

3rd March 2006

ure in lurve.
that's the way.
it should b.
cause i want u to b eppy

ure in lurve.
and i know.
that ure not in lurve wit me.

ooohh

its enough.
for me to know.
that ure in lurve.
i will let u go.
cause ure in lurve................


c.h.e.e.r.s